


But after she brought herself to a myriad of huckbucking climaxes, she felt vile, vile as vile's mother. Her drunkenness and her guilt were ill-mixed and she had sickened herself, was sick of herself, and hated herself all over again for the pain she had caused.


But how could she have known? She was weakened bu lust, wilted by proclivities she could not control. That is what she had told herself throughout the years, even if she had yet to convince herself. Time had not gauzed over the picture. The colors had not faded. The transgression still stood crystal clear, in spite of what she had tried to tell herself.


Time does not make everyone forget. Time had not let Earl-Anthony forget, had not let his mother forget. A scalding is always remembered. So what happened more than twenty years ago felt as if it had happened just yesterday.
In theory Salma Fant was the near perfect mother for a homosexual son. Some mothers just come fit to order, others have to be dragged to it like gluttons to tofu. But Selma Fant was near perfect. She was girlfriend and guardian, both shield and mantle. She was near perfect except for that one mighty thing. It did not matter that what happened occurred so long ago, when Earl-Anthony was still living at home, was still her perfect little man, years before he became the diva Miss Zara. The pain suffered by both mother and child was a deep, rugged canyon not easily traversed.


Peter.
Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater. That's what she called him once she discovered all he could do.
More than twenty years ago. She had come home early, had shown all her listings and closed two escrows. She was feeling no pain when she came through the front door, went to the bar, and fixed a celebratory cocktail.


She set down her drink and swept up the stairs like a schoolgirl home from a great night at the prom. She smiled to herself as she moved down the hallway; the midafternoon sun from their bay windows poured through Earl-Anthony's wide open bedroom door. And the strains and the grunts and the huffs and the puffs from her hardworking baby working harder than usual made her smile with pride at his sense of dedication to physical fitness, so unlike his potbellied, near-wasted daddy.




Move over, son, and let Mommy get some!
And then she felt bad, guilty as hell; but before she could look away he looked up and saw her.And when he smiled that dangerous smile that knew that she wanted whatever it was he was giving her child, her guilty-as-hell went straight out the window.


Guilty-as-hell was long gone...
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